Littleneuroticthang

I was getting out my Halloween stuff today and I can't believe how time flies. Mom left for Virginia in Oct. last year. She'll be in Cali. this October. Hopefully I will get to spend my birthday with her. I remember when she left for VA. She was so worried about me. My car wasn't running and funds were tight because she had been out of work for awhile and wasn't quite caught up yet. Funny how just a couple months out of work and it can upset your life so much. But anyways.......... I was back in school, my first semester after taking a two year break. I had to take a bus to the train and then another bus to school. I knew no one and had to learn to be truly self sufficient. I smiled at my mom and said everything would be fine. I was terrified inside. I wasn't so sure if I could make it on my own without anyone. But me being me I just can't show people when I'm scared.

When I had cancer, I just smiled and told everyone that it was fine. I had a good cancer, no way was I scared! I only broke down once and that was with mom, before I actually knew. I felt that if I was strong that it would keep everyone strong. Really I just wanted to stay in bed and cry.

I tell people how scared I am yet no one believes me. I really am afraid that I have no clue to what I am doing.

posted by pixie @ 4:22 PM