Saturday, July 30, 2005

A Full Day of Nothingness

I have done nothing today and it has felt damn good. I have been on the computer looking up recipe's, reading magazines, and watching Will & Grace. I did do a load of laundry and a load of dishes so I guess I was somewhat productive. :) I am going to get takeout tonight and some movies from Hollywood Video. Screw Blockbuster. Last Saturday the kid that was working behind the counter totally pissed me off. I hate Blockbuster anyway. I haven't figured out what I am going to get yet. I got Closer and Ray last time. Both really good movies. I really enjoyed Closer. I really didn't think I would like it because I'm not the biggest Julia Roberts or Jude Law fan. I really don't get the big hype over Jude Law. A little to pretty boyish for me. But I do adore Natalie Portman.

I got most of my school supplies yesterday. I think I have cleaned Broward County out of filler paper. Back of Biatches!!! It is mine and mine alone. I really have some problems. I get too excited about buying school supplies. I am the BIGGEST DORK. It's a wonder I have friends.
I am going to cut off my hair once again. I won't let it grow out again until after nursing school. I have to wear it off my collar and don't feel like dealing with it. I'm glad I got over my hair a long time ago. I use to have hair. Long, beautiful, perfectly straight hair. I was so scared to cut it off. It was like part of my personality or something. Then one day I made an appointment with my hairdresser and cut it super, super short. It shocked everyone. But I felt like this weight had been lifted off of me. Weird, eh? I did donate it to locks of love.

I just watched this PBS special on Patsy Cline. Yes, I know, I'm a dork. I can't help it, I love Patsy's music. My grandma was the biggest Patsy Cline fan. I remember when I was a little girl and watching the movie Sweet Dreams with her. My mom actually did an assignment in Winchester, VA, which is Patsy's hometown. I went and saw two of the houses that she lived in. Interesting thing, her plane crashed near my great grandmother's hometown. How strange is that.
They said that she sometimes would cry while signing a song. I believe it because you can just feel it in her music. I mean I almost break down everytime I hear Sweet Dreams.

I told G. to be ready. I can start to hear my accent coming out already. It is so sad. I told him to be prepared. He hasn't ever been to Texas. Hehehe, can't wait to see what he thinks. I really can't wait until he sees where my brother lives. Hahaha.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

The Countdown Begins...........

Only six more days until my vacation, 17 more days to everything has be completed, 20 days until my orientation, 22 days until Paul Van Dyk @ space and I get to dance my ass off until school starts, 26 days and classes start.

So tomorrow I will get up and start to work on getting back into my routine. I called the nursing office and they received my drug results. So I just have to go and get my vaccinations Wed. and I can turn all the paperwork in. I went and got my tuition fees taken care of. The lady took care of it right then and there. I have no ideal what was up with the other people. Fucking bastards. Blah. I picked up my Syllabus and handbook today. Still no textbooks so I am going to order them from Barnes and Nobles. I would do Ebay but I want new books. I can not stand marks in my books. Last semester, I was late on getting my books and was stuck with a very highlighted book. It totally sucked. I went and saw the stuff I needed to get at the uniform store. The shirts are HUGE and of course they don't have extra small. They only have one size of sweater and I could fit three of me into it. So I am stuck buying a crappy ass lab coat. Which wouldn't be so bad but it has the school name on it.

G. was nice and got up and took me there today. We took the turnpike and I think that is the way I will be going. It seems to be the fastest way. I have a sunpass so I can get thru faster and cheaper. Always a bonus.:) He took me out to lunch afterwards and he even bought me my books since I won't have any money till tomorrow.

I had another dream about my best friend C.C. from high school getting married. I am going to have to call here and see what is up with that. She is doing so well and I am so proud of her. She and her highschool sweetheart got back together about a year ago. Maybe not that long but it seems that way. (I'm not proud about the romance but about the other things she did.) hehehe

Well, my friends from Michigan bought their tickets for NYE to come down here. We are going to have so much fun!!!!!!! They are the coolest people to hang out with. It's so much fun it should be illegal, I tell ya. I don't know where I am going yet but there is so much that I want to show them. I have gotten out and actually explored my world this summer. What fun it has been.

Well, tomorrow I am going to go school supply shopping and I am excited. Geez, I'm such a nerd. I also have to go to the grocery store to buy just a couple of things. I am going to try to make more dinners and stop eating out so much. I feel like crap because I have been eating to much fast food. I told G. that he needs to come over on Thurs. so I can try out new recipe's on someone. I hate cooking for just one. I need one of those food savers. Then I wouldn't have to worry about it. Not that I have the freezer space. Ok, so I am going to make up a budget because I can't figure where the hell all my money is going. I also need to start planning menus. I feel like I let way to much food go to waste. Maybe I should try going to the store twice a week so my fruit and veggies stay good.

Well, I'm off to do some studying. Got get my brain working again. Hopefully I didn't lose to many brain cells to alcohol this summer. Ciao.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Come on August!

"Someone is trying to come between you and your goals, and their tactics are less than aboveboard. It's up to you to face them, get it out in the open and take steps to ensure that it doesn't happen again."

WTF, man. My mom called and spoke to the guy's supervisor today. I guess he just got promoted so go figure. He is either on way fucked up power trip or he is just scared shitless at his new job. Either way he sucks ass. So I am going in there with my mom's tax papers and her nursing and driver's license and vehicle registration and get on her residency. I am going to start nursing school come hell or high water. I have waited to long for this.

C. told me that it's my karma coming back to me. WTF ever. I am not an evil person. I do have my moments but I treat people nicely dammit. I just don't lie and bs and that always seems to be my downfall. But I refuse to start lying or being a bad person. Screw that.

I am going to pick up my Syllabus and my polo shirts tomorrow. Then I can see what books I need to really get and then purchase the other ones after school starts. I am going to buy most of my school supplies Friday since of the tax free week. I have a coupon for New York and Company so I might go and get some jeans and a sweater. I am also going to go and stock up on greeting cards. I like to send them so I would like to have them around that way I won't forget anyone's birthday or if an event comes up I'll have a card. Did you know that Florida has one of the biggest chunk of greeting card purchases?? It's because of the sun. Funny, eh?

I will also go and order my name tags and see if I can find a pair of shoes that I like. I am going to see if they will allow NIKE's. They are all white but they do have the symbol on them. They said no labels but I'm still going to ask. I so do not want to wear the white nursing shoes. They are so freaking ugly and everyone says they are not comfortable.

Things that need to be done:
1. Get inoculations next Wed.
2. Pay for my tuition
3. Get my textbooks
4. Pick up a pair of navy pants
5. Buy the rest of my school supplies
6. Start reviewing my ANP, especially muscles and veins.
7. Work on some dosage problems
8. Start reading the first chapter required.

Not to bad of a list. I can't wait until next weekend!!!!! I am so excited to see my family! I can't wait to see how big my sis is. I need to go buy some film. I like my digital but it doesn't' take the best photos. But it was free so I can't complain. I need to ask for an upgrade for my birthday or Christmas.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

I want to hurt people

People freaking piss me off. I am hating the human race right now. I love how some man that sits behind a desk gets off on power trips. I wonder if he is just naturally a dick or if his life sucks that fucking much. So I get a call saying that I am not eligible for in state tuition because I don't work. I am here for educational purposes apparently and that is it. Oh, am I? I moved down here to start a new life. Not to enjoy the wonderful world of fucking community college. Um, yeah you stupid fucking bastard. I had all my school paid for by state funding and scholarships to a fucking university. Yes, it was a four year program. But I also could have gone to a private school, with a classroom size of 17 that offered an ASN. So here is what I say to you, FUCK YOU. I didn't move down here just to go to nursing school. I am so tired of justifying myself. I have worked my ass off since I was 18 and people act like I've been living off my mom forever. My mom is giving me a break. So fuck off! So hopefully I can get claimed on my mom's residency or I am screwed and can't go to school. Or I can go strip. Either choice is oh so lovely isn't it??

Sorry, I had to vent. I am stressing out just a tad bit because I have so much to do and now I have to deal with this. People suck ass.

I went over to G. Aunt's house last night. She just got out of the hospital. I swear these people are trying to make me fat. The first place we ate the food was delicious. It was a weird combo but still good. We had fried chicken, salad and ravioli. Ok, I LOVE fried chicken. I grew up on the stuff and will never turn now some good fried chicken. Especially home made. So I am watching everyone and they are eating it with ketchup. How weird is that??? I have never seen this. I always eat mine with hot sauce, like your suppose to. Ketchup and fried chicken just seem so WRONG. So the next relatives house I eat some pizza and chocolate bars, which I can turn neither of those down either. That's when I learn that in Trinidad they eat ketchup and mustard on their pizza. WTF people???????? I never again want to hear people make fun of my eating habits again. EVER. Not after last night. Hehehe. But I did eat way to much last night. I think I gained 10 pounds. I haven't eaten hardly anything today because I'm still full.

I had the worst dream the other night. I was looking in the mirror and I had this huge tumor on my neck and it had a freaking heartbeat of it's own. I mean that is just freaky and it was just so big. I woke up and freaked out. I hate dreams like that. They always freak me out. I guess my subconscious still has cancer anxiety. It is still strange to think that five years ago that I had cancer. Sometimes it feels like it never happened. I keep telling myself that I'm lucky and that I shouldn't let things get to me because I have been given another chance right? I mean I could be dead right now and I'm thinking that would pretty much suck. I would miss everyone way to much.:)

We were suppose to have a sandstorm today but I'm not sure if we actually did or not. I haven't been outside nor am I venturing out. I am being a complete lazy ass bum today. I went to the beach yesterday and it was alright. I hate the beach by my house. It always seems so dirty. Well, I hope I am going to have a better day tomorrow and the rest of the week. If not you will most likely see me on Headline News and it won't be pretty.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Some Like It Hot

I have so missed my internet service!!!!!! I can't believe how much I rely on it for my entertainment. Oh, so sad. But I did get a lot done. I finally have my office done and my house is freaking spotless and all my laundry is caught up. Yippee!!!!!

I am never going to the Chili's by my house ever again. I was really wanting some boneless buffalo wings and they were trying their best to keep them from me. We ordered them as appetizer and we were delivered a onion blossom instead. How the hell do you mix those two up? So I sent it back and our food comes. I'm like where the hell are my wings? I told the waitress that yes, even though my food is here I still want my damn wings. Duh, that is the purpose of this outing. So, I cut my bacon burger in half and it is so not how I ordered it. I rarely eat red meat but lately I have been craving it. Which is really odd, but I digress. I ALWAYS order my meat well done. It grosses me out to see pink. Well, my burger is mooing back at me so I send it back. Still no wings. The burger comes back and not only is it still mooing but they decided that I must want mayo on it. Fucking bastards. So I told her that I didn't want it. She asked what I did want. I said, I want my fucking wings. But I was nicer.:) But they forgot about the wings. I did get my wings finally and they sucked. And I'm pretty sure that they spit on them. Bastards.

I did go to this wonderful Lebanese restuarant that just opened up. It was fabulous. I never knew that I like middle eastern food. Well, I know I do like some Indian food because I have ate over a G.'s . I never knew that Muslims had kosher meat. Of course it's called something different but basically the same thing. I learn something everyday. I know shit about Islam. I think I might read up on it because I think it might be beneficial. I don't want to offend one of my patients.

It was so freaking hot today. I really thought I would melt right outside my door. Seriously.

So I have been oh so busy trying to get everything done for school. I have sent of my background check, gotten by Tetanus shot, my titers done, my physical and drug test. I am so freaking mad because it is showing that I have no immunity to Chicken pox so now I have to go get a Varicella vaccination. Bastards. The doctor was like are you sure you had chicken pox? No I imagined that whole week of scratching and being miserable jackass. I always thought you had lifetime immunity but my friend said hers didn't show up either. Blah. But the health dept. gives them and they are a lot cheaper so that is where I'm going for both my Varicella and Hep B.

I still have books, supplies and uniforms to buy. I'm going to do that this week because it's tax free week. I need all the savings I can get. hehehe. I think I'm just going to get my Fundamental book right now and see what I need as I go. I don't want to buy books if I'm not going to use them.

I am so excited! I am going to go see my sister and brother! Well, I know for sure I'm seeing my sis but my brother said he would have to check his calendar because he might be at work. But either way I'm going. I will just spend an extra day in Houston if he has to work. Then I will drive by and see my nephews and spend the night in New Orleans. Gotta go with the flow.
I already have my suitcase packed and it's two weeks away. I thinks me might have to many clothes and shoes when I can pack that far in advance and not miss anything.

So this guy I was talking to, is so now on my shit list. I texted him Friday to see what was up. He says we should maybe meet up. Um,yeah don't think so. I hate those half assed plans crap. So I never got back in touch with him and he texted me in the morning yesterday. WTF??? I am so not going to be someone's booty call. Fuck that. I am so tired of men.

Friday, July 08, 2005

Is it really Friday????

I am having one of those days where things are just off. It's not like I'm having that bad of a day but things just aren't going the way I planned them. Kinda like my life, I suppose. I wonder how we get so off track sometimes.

I recovered finally from Friday night. Blah, that so sucked. I literally slept all day Saturday. I got up and showered and ate then went straight back to bed. I went to Club Space Sunday night to hear Deep Dish. I had so much fun. I haven't danced so much in a really long time. I really need to get out more. The music was fucking great. Miami has finally redeemed its self. :) I had been a little disappointed there for a spell but now that I'm getting out and exploring I'm finding it's not such a bad place. It's making me miss Chicago less and less.

I went and spent the Fourth with Rat bastard's family. G. has resorted back to his old name just because he is freaking annoying me. It was kinda weird. We hung out by the pool and ate then went and saw the fireworks. We just went down the street and they were so disappointing. I think we should of stuck with the original plan and headed to the beach. But at least we didn't have to deal with traffic.

Rat bastard took me out Wednesday night to celebrate me getting in. We went out to eat then decided to head to Las Olas to just walk around. We ended up going and watching Poof. It was a drag show and I have to say it was quite fun. They put on such a good show. I don't know why but I just love drag queens. I've never had a problem with homosexuality. I don't know. I just have never seen what the big deal is. Really.
Then we decided at last minute to head over to the voodoo because it was ladies night. It was annoying at first because people basically suck. I mean you are going to get bummed into on the dance floor. I'm cool with that. I've been going to clubs for a really long fucking time and raves before that. But dude, don't try to take up the whole dance floor and keep spilling your drink on me. WTF, drunk bastards. I ended up jumping on a block and danced. Fuck it, no then bothered me. It was weird because I'm usually very self conscious about how I look when I got out. But that night I just didn't care. I just went out in flip flops, jeans and tanks and had so much fun. What was very weird is guys buying me drinks when it's ladies night. I drink for free anyways. But if you want to waste your money, go ahead.

So, Rat bastard thinks he wants something from me. Two years ago I would have loved to hear him say that he loved me. But now it just breaks my heart because I realize that we are not good for each other and I know he doesn't mean it. I don't know which hurts more. I just think that he is going through so much right now and he just needs someone to hang on to. I just can't be that person. I will be a friend and help him but I can't be anything else. I can't handle another heartbreak right now. Especially with school about to start.

I think I am going to stay in tonight and to some reorganizing. I have an empty bedroom that is just sitting there and it seems kinda silly. Well, I thought I was going to the Cubs game Saturday but it seems that I'm not. I'm kind pissed of at this new guy. Don't tell me something and then don't follow through. I hate that. I think he just may have made my shit list. Why do people always have to disappoint. Why can't I just be surprised by something good for once?

Sunday, July 03, 2005

My Evil Twin

So, it has been quite the intresting weekend. I found out a lot of things that I just wish I didn't know. Things that I could happy live without knowing. It started out as any normal Friday. I just have no ideal where the hell it went wrong.

I get a texted message from this guy I've been talking to while I was getting ready and he was headed in the same destination as I. So I was like cool, I'll text you when I get there. I asked G. point blank if he would be cool with this. He looked me straight in the eye and said he was fine. We head downtown and are having fun and drinking and all that. I was having a blast. Well, around 2 I get a call and decide to meet the boy at my place. Well, this pisses G. off to no end. Apparently it was a slap in the face to him. Which I can look back and see it wasn't the coolest thing to do. But it isn't like he has always been cool with me. He has treated me like shit on some many levels at so many times. Yet the one time I fuck up, I will never hear the end of it.

He says it's ok that I date other people but I can't sleep with anyone else. Yet, he doesn't want to hold the title of being my boyfriend. Which I am not ok with. The thing is I don't want to be his girlfriend. I care about him a lot and we have this amazing time when we do hang out and he watches my back but he is a closed book to me and I HATE that. I can't be with someone who can't open up to me. I just can't. Besides, it's not like he wants a girlfriend, right?

So he is all pissed off because this guy did come over. He was like why weren't you honest with me. The thing is I haven't told anyone about this guy. It's not like I am ashamed of this person either. I'm not, for some reason I just want to keep it to myself. Which is weird. I don't know why. So how I am I not being honest if I don't lie about it. I just didn't give any info. It's my business, no one else's.

Well, I have learned that vodka, red bull and jagger are a lethal mix for me. I am not the happy go lucky drunk, no I turn into the Bitch from Hell. G. left me in the bar so naturally I went after him. I beat the shit out of him. My hands are so freaking bruised up right now. I just went the fuck off on him. Then he preceded to fucking not leave me alone all night. I wouldn't let him in nor would I answer the door or any of his calls. It really pissed him off because the boy did come over. Fuck him. I'm single and I am not going to sit around waiting for someone to decide if they want me or not. Sorry I am to old to be playing games. This isn't high school and I vowed when I left. B. that I would not put up with anyone's shit again. And I mean it.

Grrrrrrrrr.....why can't I ever know any men and not little boys? I am so glad that there were no cops around when I went off on him. Because I know I would most likely be sitting in Broward County Jail right now. That would not be the place I would want to spend my fourth of July weekend.

So, I am going to go eat some dinner and get ready. I am going to go to Miami tonight. I am off tomorrow! Woo-HOO!

Friday, July 01, 2005


Well, only two more days of work. I can't wait until this fucking sale is over with. Really the people we get in our just oh so pleasant. There not true shoppers. They are impatient, rude and just plain mean. When you walk in and I say "Hi" the least you can do is acknowledge my presence. Really, I am truly being nice. I'm not trying to sale you anything. I really don't want to bother you just as much as you don't want to bother me. Honest. And this isn't the supermarket where if there is more than three in a line we will open another register. We are a small fucking store ok? There are like fucking three of us, not 40. Sorry, just had to vent.

I walked out of work today and stepped into a monsoon. I was soaked when I got to my car. I park in the garage which was somewhat helpful. I actually had to ring my clothes out before I got in my car. It sucked big time.

Well, I am going to go out tonight. G. has my whole weekend planned. Funny because I didn't even know I was going. But hey, it's cool I guess.:) I am going to go hear Deep Dish Sunday night in Miami, going to Ft. Lauderdale tonight and somewhere up north tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'll be up for that. I hate Palm Beach. But I might give a try. Then I am going to hang out with his family Monday by the pool and go into Delray to see the fireworks. It should be fun. I was over at his house last night and man, his mom and him basically forced some food down me. It was some good crub though. His mom is super sweet.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Friday night.