Monday, May 30, 2005

Monday, Monday

Well, since it is Memorial Day I would like to say something about my grandma. She has now been gone for a year and 3 months. Which sometimes I find so hard to believe. I never thought that I could ever miss anyone as much as I miss her.

It saddens me a bit because after many years of not talking to my brother and sister we have finally reconnected this past year and it would have made her so happy. She would have loved to have met my nephew and future niece and nephew who are on their way. She would have been so proud of my brother and sister.
About once a week when she was alive she would ask" have you talked to A. or S.?" It always made me feel horrible to have to say no to her.

She was a feisty little woman who could talk to anyone. She showed her love like any southern woman by food and her cooking. She loved to dress up. She LOVED the color red and big flashy earrings. The bigger, the better.
She was a very stubborn woman and unfortunately so are her daughters and her granddaughters. As I age I see more of her traits coming out of me and it's always a little funny because I use to think I was so different from her.

I was looking through photos yesterday and came across of some from my aunt, whom I haven't spoken to in years. That's because she had a fight with my grandmother and has cut us out of her life. I didn't realize until yesterday how much I miss her and my cousins. I really know that no family is perfect. I just wish mine wasn't so messed up.

But then I feel guilty because I have done the same thing to my other aunt. But I feel that what she did was unforgivable and hopefully I will find it in my heart to forgive her one day.

But I do have to mention that I do have the world's greatest mom. I know that everyone says that but mine truly is. I may have a messed up family but I hit the jackpot when it came to moms. And I have no problem in admitting that I am a total momma's girl. :)

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Bloody Sunday

Well, Tues. is the day that I turn in my nursing application and the waiting game begins. I am so nervous about this. I have never wanted anything more in my life and will not know what to do if I do not make it into the program. I know life will go on and I could easily go to another school but I would still be devastated.

I think the most productive thing that I have done today is shower and fed my cats. I have no energy to do much else. I blame it on my very, very sore body. I did workout Friday and now my body is truly hating me. But I will go on tomorrow and work through the soreness because I really need to get back on my workout routine.

I ended up having a friend over last night for drinks. It was better than going out. Neither of us felt like venturing out since it would be like playing Russian roulette in a car. So we order pizza, watched the tube and had a couple of drinks. It was a very relaxing time.

I almost feel like turning off my phone today. I really should because I haven't answered it except once for C. I am in another one of my moods. I don't know where they are coming from. I am normally so happy. I am not even watching the Heat!

I really think I need a vacation. I just need to get away for a weekend. I wish could afford a spa because I would be there so freaking fast. Maybe I should go see my mom.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Something in the Air

Well, I can feel something is on the way. I'm not sure what exactly but it feels quite big and it feels like it could be a good thing. I don't have a bad feeling at all about it. My friend C. asked if I was on drugs. I had to laugh because I know it sounds crazy but I can usually tell when something big is about to happen.

Well, I am kinda bummed because it is the BIG weekend in Indy this weekend. I was going to fly up but I didn't have the funds. We never go to the actual race but it's a chance to have a big hurray and catch up with everyone. I miss my girls sooooo much!! Me and C. have already made plans that next year we will be there no matter what!

Well, it so sad because I have no big plans for this weekend and I have no desire to leave my house. But I really need to because I need to go the market or my kitties will be eating me while I sleep. Not good. They are big enough to miss more than one meal but you can not use that reason with them.

I had the weirdest dream last night. I was in the store and I realized that I was butt assed naked. But I did have shoes on! The weird thing was that no one seemed to notice that I was nude. Then I realize that it is time to pick my mom and I go outside to realize there has been a HUGE blizzard. Very strange since I live in South Florida. What was really odd was that when I opened my car to get out the ice scraper, my entire inside of my car was filled with snow. I wonder what that was about? Very strange indeed.

I can't not believe that only one person has called me today! I haven't even received one e-mail. Not even junk mail. It's been a very strange day indeed. I wonder what tomorrow will be like?

Friday, May 27, 2005

It's Friday?

Hmmmm. Once again my horoscope is way of its course. It says I will be up for an adventurous day. Yeah, don't think so. Unless you count sitting at the computer eating m&m's adventurous. I am taking this laziness thing to a whole new level today. I really need to do something this weekend but have no desire.

I got to chat with my little sis today. Which I haven't done in awhile and really missed. Sometimes it is so hard to believe that we are adults. Scary.

I went and saw the Star Wars movie last night. I must say it was somewhat lost on me. I'll never understand why they must keep the movie theatres so freaking cold! I had a sweatshirt on and still had to snuggle up to my friend so I wouldn't freeze to death. I know we live in Florida but it's not that hot yet!

My friend mentioned how he wish he could find the formula to figuring women out. I don't think that we are different at all really. I mean we are but I think it's not really that hard. It's like a big puzzle. We have tons of these people who can fit our other half because they are like us. They get who we are and they get us. Then there are the other people who we will never understand because they are not part of the puzzle. I think that is why we should be really truly honest while dating. So we can find our perfect fit. Ok, I think I have had way to much caffeine and sugar today.

I think maybe I should find something productive to do today. Maybe. I just might make it to the gym today.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

It's Thursday already?

Wow, the week has just gone by so fast!

Well, the man left. I don't think I will be getting anymore e-mails from him. I think it was a bit clueless on his part. I think he really thought we were going to get back together. Poor, poor stupid boy. He really is one of those types that just have no clue to the real world. None and I mean not an ounce. He asked why I even called him. I said because it was better than totally ignoring him and sending e-mails. I was trying to be mature.

It started off me saying it moved really quickly, it freaked me out and I am just not ready to give all my time to someone yet. "But it didn't move quickly, I went from seeing you all the time, then just once a week, to nothing!"

Me: "Let me make my self clear here. I want to date other people."

Him: "Well, just to let you know, I have been seeing other people to."

Good for him! I hated to tell him that I was making out with a hot out of towner the weekend I stopped calling him.

But I am once again "the bitch" in someone's eyes and most likely his whole family's eyes to.

I don't think I am being unfair because I did say what I wanted up front. It just got out of control. I was in a five year live in relationship and I am not about to go from one boy to the other that fast. Well, that is what I get for giving the whole internet dating thing a try. Not that there is anything wrong with it. It just moves a relationship along a little to fast for me. Besides, I like meeting people in person. I love that spark and the flirting. It's just not the same online.

Well, I am officially employed once again! I am so happy!!! I can believe I am about to say this but I have missed working! Life is good right now. The only way I think it could be better is if Mr. Wonderful called but I know that's not going to happen! But I can have my daydreams can't I?

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Lazy, Lazy day

Ok, I have been way to lazy for the average person today. I mean it is now a quarter one and I am sitting here at the computer in my pj's. I have done nothing productive today!

Well, I finally got my car legalized again. Now I just need to get my battery charged and I am ready to go! Such a nice feeling to have transportation again. It totally sucks not having a car. I also went to my job interview yesterday. I have no idea if I will get the job or not. It was a group interview and I have never had one of those again. Very odd, if you ask me.

I have been so unproductive today. I am now in a weird "want to clean the house from top to bottom mode" right now. I have finished my kitchen and living room so far. I am now currently doing my bedroom tonight. It might be an all nighter tonight. I did sleep all day, so I my sleep pattern is all whacked.

I have totally ignored all calls and e-mails today. I am only answering the phone if it is my mom. I am in one of those moods in which I can not tolerate people today. I really don't feel like myself today. I feel like my mind has been abducted. I would really like it back, please.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Hiding from the world

Well, I ended up going out last night but I was quite good. I just went out had a couple of drinks and played pool. I really hate pool because I can not play worth a crap. And that' s being nice. It was an ok time but I did end up telling my former crush a little to much info. I swear I just don't know when to keep my mouth closed! I mean there are no feelings there now but I just had to go on and on about how he hurt me. Blah, Blah, blah. I am glad that we can actually still be good friends. He is truly a great guy, just a terrible boyfriend.

Well, after having a couple of drinks and waiting for G. I decided to call the ex and try to be mature and see how he was doing. I really am a sadist. He called today and wants to talk and I figure this is my first chance a being a bigger person in a break up and having a serious talk about why it isn't going to happen. I think I really should be medicated.

I am usually the person who does the breaking up and I never do it in a good way. I always end up being "that bitch". Even the guy who I lived with, thought of starting a future with, I so trashed that break up. I hate to say it, I just hate the tears, the pain of it all. I just like to run away and never answer their phone calls. I know, real mature. I am going to get some really bad dating karma hell one day.

So I figure this way maybe I can redeem myself. Why do relationships have to be so damn complicated. Why can't it be like in Jr. High were you just marked the box yes I like you or no.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Ah, Saturday

I remember when I use to love Saturdays. It was like the bright light at the end of the tunnel. I wonder if I will ever love Sat.'s as much ever again. They just don't hold the same meaning for me anymore. Which really bums me out. Don't get me wrong I still love Sat. nights but ever since graduating from high school I have always had a job were I worked weekends. It just isn't the same anymore.

Well, I actually had a good day yesterday. Very uneventful but good. I got to talk to all my girlfriends Thurs. night which a girl just needs that quality girl talk, you know? I think that totally helped my mood Friday. I also was very productive and went to the mall and put some applications in. I have an interview with the place I really want to work so hopefully it pans out.

I also got my NLN exam results back and I didn't fail! I actually didn't do to bad. I really surprise myself sometimes. But to be fair they asked questions that a nurse will never use. I mean geometry? Come on people when do any of us ever use geometry?

I still have crush boy telling me that he is only trying to start something because he feels comfortable around me. Um...I think that's because we are friends. I have no clue why he is still going there when I have said a thousand times it isn't going to happen. I want to write a book so bad on things not to do! I mean it kills me that a guy publishes this book He's just not that into you and it's a best seller yet there are tons of men who have NO clue. Here are a couple of hints, we really don't like to be called 20 thousand times in one day or even a week. Please, Please do not bring porn to our house if we are not in a realationship! No, it will NOT get us in the mood. Trust me. Also, buying us gifts isn't going to get us into bed either. Ok, this may work on some girls, but for the most part not going to happen. Ok, that was my rant for the day.

Well, I will most likely be a total vegetable this weekend. I have no desire to do anything. So sad....

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Sad day today

Well, my friend C. just left for the airport. That saddens me a bit because we did have a good time just hanging out and being goofy. I'm not sure how much he enjoyed our nightlife down here in Florida. We went to the Hard Rock Casino and that place was such a lame place. All the guys were like little molds of each as were the woman. At one bar they were actually choosing who could get in. WTF?!? So we hit our usual spot but I was in such a foul mood that night. I actually ended up passing out in the car. All well. I took him to a local bar last night and he had a much better time at least.

I am so bummed because it really sucks when a friend develops feelings for you and you can't return the same feelings. Blah, I haven't had the conversation yet, I really need to. But the horrible thing is he text messaged me about his feelings!! At first I just thought he was joking but then I received the e-mails and voicemails. I just cried when I read the message because no good can come of this and we have been friends for so long. I even told him once that it would never happen. Why do we set ourselves up for heartbreak?

Well, it's my little brother's birthday today! I hope he is having a good one. I hate that I live so far away from my little brother and sister! Ok, my plan for the rest of the evening is to turn off my phone and totally become a vegetable in front of my television.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Well, I actually got to sleep in!!!!! I haven't been able to do that for weeks. It was so nice. My kitty even let me sleep. He is usually pawing my face by 7:30 if I'm not up. He must've known his mommy needed sleep.

Well, I so needed Sat. and it was loads of fun. What I remember of it anyway. I actually refrained from making out with any cute strangers. :) But I did do the horrible drunk dial. Blah, I really should learn that people do not want to hear my wonderful insights on the world at 4:30 in the morning.

My friend D. left and C. came in today. Me and D. went down to Key West because he has never been. It was a good time. Duval street is kinda lost on him since he isn't a drinker but he likes to people watch so I think he had fun. I have never gotten the whole sunset at Mallory Square thing. I mean I have never seen a spectacular sunset there.

We scored tickets to the Heat vs. Wizard game on Tues. That rocked! I have never been to a playoff game before. I LOVE Shaq and am so glad that he is down here. It would be awesome to win the playoffs.

Off I go to make dinner and drink with my wonderful C.

Saturday, May 07, 2005


Well, yesterday was truly horrible and wretched. I let my bank account slide and had to go to a check cashing store to cash a check my wonderful mom sent. I really hate these places. I don't know why, I just do. Well, the guy behind the counter proceeded to make me feel like a complete dolt.
Ok, so I happen to be unemployed at the moment and I share an apartment with my mom half of the year.(she travels) I know that going back to school is a good thing but people really look down at you when you say the awful, "no I don't work." I know I shouldn't let a guy who has to wear a tacky blue shirt get me down but hey it happens.

I am so excited because my friend D. Is coming in tonight!!! I haven't seen him in a really long time so it will be a good time. I am going to go celebrate tonight and head to the keys for a couple of days. I so need this!
I must say that I have really great friends. I do. They take care of me way to much.

I had a really annoying nursing entrance exam that really seemed pointless and made me walk out of there feeling as I know nothing! I have all my prereq's done so I really felt sorry for the poor people who hadn't taken a lot of the prereg's. Ouch. I hate to be a bitch but it truly amazes me that some of these people want to be nurses. They are just mean or totally clueless.

One of my closest friends A, graduated today!!!!!!! She is now finished with her nursing program!!!!!!! I am so proud of her and will be having several drinks for her!!!!! She is going to be a wonderful nurse!

Well, off I go to clean up my house and get beautified!!!!!!!!

Friday, May 06, 2005

I wish I could've stayed in bed

Ok, I know no one wants to hear my ramblings but I am putting them out there anyway. Besides, it saves my family and friends from hearing me bitch.

So, I am having one of those days when I am not looking to kindly at the human race. Everyone seems to be getting on my nerves today. Even my mom, whom I adore. I really hate being dependent upon people and I know that where most of my frustration is coming from. I have so much to do and no freaking car. I just want my car fixed!!!!!!!!

So when do drunk dials turn from being friendly and turn into creepish? And why do guys think that no, means "if I try really hard I can get her into bed?" I hate the fact that the one person I want to hear from hasn't called and the one I so do not want to hear from calls 20 times a day. Lovely, eh? Why did I have to meet someone that I could actually like. I knew it wasn't going to happen on the grand scheme of things but I still had hope.

Well, at least I will be able to go out tomorrow. I am having guest for the next two weeks so at least I will be able to have some fun. I am going to party like a rock star for the next two weeks.